Masculinity

Well hello there! Sorry I’ve been a little quiet, I’ve just started a summer job so I’m working a lot and if I’m honest I’ve been feeling a little crappy. This has all stemmed from mental health articles and a few comments people have made about me thinking I wouldn’t have heard them. If you’ve been on twitter or Facebook you’ll know that the lead singer of Linkin Park committed suicide due to depression and if you live in the UK you might have heard that the rugby referee Nigel Owens has been suffering from bulimia and has done a documentary on it for Panorama. Some of the things that people have said about these two topics have been disgusting and both of these men have been branded unmanly. I myself was branded unmanly by a random stranger in a coffee shop because I asked for strawberry and vanilla tea, which if you haven’t tried it I highly recommend you do. I’m drinking some while writing this and its making me happy.

This got me thinking about what people class as manly and unmanly and I decided to do a little research into it and google did not let me down. I found a bunch of articles which were written by mainly men and let me tell you in case you didn’t know already. Men are dicks. There was one article that really angered me but we will start off on the small stuff. I thought it would be a good idea to figure out whether I am manly or not for a laugh and to be honest just out of interest. Here is a little list of some of the things a range of websites consider unmanly:

  1. Being insecure.

    Askmen.com has an article called ‘Things Real Men Shouldn’t do’. It’s one of the only ones written by a woman and she says that men should “Get over your insecurity” and that needing reassurance will not lead to a serious relationship. Now, everyone has something they are insecure about. I am very insecure about the way I look. But apparently men are 100% okay with everything about them. There is not one single thing that they would change so there must be something wrong with me.

  2. Inability to communicate

    Askmen.com are really off to a good start here. Apparently men “Should not be afraid of confrontation or uncomfortable conversations”. I hate both of those things. I will happily remove myself from the presence of an angry person. I also cannot talk about sex to the point where my housemates last year had to give me a word of the week. It took me two weeks to comfortably talk about periods and we celebrated with cake. This is not okay according to the author of this article. Men should talk about periods on their first date with someone because that is what it is to be a man. I swear to god if there was a visual way of me sighing it would be here.

  3. Cry during films.

    Firstthings.com published an article called ’50 things a real man should never do’ and was written by a guy. Number 34 on their list is that it is unacceptable for real men to cry during a film. Now, I have cried in many films; Forest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, The Lion King (Mufasta did not have to die okay), Dead Poet’s Society just to name a few. I frigging wept like a baby during Marley and Me. Like ugly cried. In the cinema. If you didn’t cry during that film there is something seriously wrong with you.

  4. Be drunk in public and Post drunk selfies

    Number 17 on the list mentioned above is you should never get drunk in public. If the author could suggest some other places to get drunk other than public bars and night clubs that would be great, gotta get my man points up after all! Number 18 on the same list is you should never post drunk selfies. I would like to apologise to the author of that article for showing that I actually have friends to go out and get drunk in public with. I am very unmanly in this authors eyes and it gets worse…

  5. Know all the lyrics to a Lady GaGa song

    If you lived in the UK in 2008, Poker Face was pretty much the only song played on the radio so to every man in the UK who listened to the radio in 2008, I am sorry. You are not a man.

  6. Use a mirror, talk about your mum, eat ice cream in public and wear sunglasses on your forehead

    Sundayworld did a similar article but could only come up with 20 things. I must add this article was written by someone with the surname Shitole. I promise you I am not making that up. According to this author the use of mirrors is reserved for the use of girls only, you should never talk about your mum in public, eating ice cream in public is wrong for a man, and placing sunglasses on your forehead is unmanly. So next time I go to see a friend I won’t check in the mirror to see if I look alright, if my friend asks about how my mum is doing and if I would like an ice cream I will refuse to answer about my mum and turn down the offer of ice cream and if we go inside I will just hold my sunglasses in my hand. I must get man points!

  7. Wear flip flops to a meal, take a selfie, drink a cocktail, order a girly drink, have a dad bod, be afraid to try new things and put yourself first.

    This is where it starts to get a bit ridiculous now. Whiskyriff (obviously this website was going to be gold) wrote a 45 item list of things men should never do. According to them you must never take a selfie. The rule ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ would really ruin a lot of peoples stories. You must also drink a cocktail or strawberry and vanilla tea because they are too girly, nor should you wear flip flops to a meal. If you live in a beach town on a hot day you essentially cannot go and see your friends. You must not be scared to try new things, even if they could get you killed because real men are fearless and you must never ever put yourself first.

  8. Anything on this fucking website

    Now this is where I got mad. There is a website called returnofkings.com and they came up with seven things you must never do to be manly. According to them you must never; Get fat, Stop lifting weights, be passive, experiment sexually with other men, wear a sports top, father a child out of marriage or value women.

This last article really pissed me off to no extent. According to this article I should just chop my bits off and hand them back to whoever decided that I was going to be a guy and say “sorry, some person on the internet made a list of what not to do if you a man and I do all of those things”. For starters some people cannot avoid getting fat. I’m a little chubby, I have been called fat. I do not like that I am chubby but it is who I am. Secondly, I have only lifted weights a total of 15 times in my life. I HATE doing weights because the vast majority of people I have seen doing weights in the gym act like utter cockwombles on nights out or just in public and on social media in general. I am a very passive person, it is okay to not run around attacking everything that moves. In fact, if you are aggressive its actually frowned upon. Wear a sports top and have a kid out of marriage are just plain stupid. Saying you should not value women is absolutely ridiculous. If you’re a cunt to a woman you are, in my opinion, the lowest of the low. Women are incredible. They give birth, they bleed once a month for an entire week, they deal with shitty guys and horrible girls who make growing up hell and you know what? They fucking get shit done. Finally, saying its not okay to be gay or even just experiment with someone the same sex as you is not okay. There are men in the armed forces and emergency services who are gay and they are more manly than whoever wrote that article.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not manly at all. I love my strawberry and vanilla tea, I love cocktails, I cry in films, I don’t lift weights, I’m not aggressive, I take selfies, I get drunk in public, I sing along to lady gaga in the shower, I’ll eat ice cream at the beach and talk about my amazing mum, I’m insecure and sometimes I will put myself first and you know what? I am perfectly okay with that. I have had so much fun doing all of those things and just because some out of touch people wrote some things on the internet does not make me unmanly. I respect everyone who respects me, I have good manners, I have never cheated on someone, if someone needs my help I will do all that I can to help them, I care, I try to better myself. Those are the things that matter. If a guy had a mental illness such as bulimia or depression it does not make them any less of a man. If a guy is gay it does not make them any less of a man

I guess what this post is really all about is that it scares me how people are still so out of touch with the world. Men (and women) are allowed to have mental illnesses, they are allowed to be gay, they are allowed to cry. People need to start understanding that people have emotions and illnesses an different preferences and that it does not matter if someone is stereotypically ‘manly’ or not. Basically people need to stop being dicks

Love you, Bye!

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