An open letter to my Ex-Best Friend

Hey you! I hope you’re okay. This is the most bizarre thing writing this. It’s been almost a year since we’ve spoken. A whole year. I never, ever thought that there would be a time where we go for this long without talking. This is me finally coming to terms with whats happened and I guess this is me letting go. I want to tell you that I miss you, but I know you wouldn’t care. Let’s face it, if you did I wouldn’t be writing this would I? I doubt you would have, but I hope that during this past year you’ve thought of me on occasion and that you’ve wondered what I’m doing or how I am.

I’m still trying to figure out what happened between us? You’ve told people that we fell out but I have no idea what about or when? It just stopped one day. We went from sending each other stupid videos of ourselves to you completely blanking me when you see me and you know what? It fucking hurts. This past year has been one of the most stressful, most amazing years of my life and I’ve wanted to share even second of it with you but for some reason you wouldn’t let me and thats okay. Well, it’s not and it will forever bug me but as I’ve said this is me letting go.

I always thought that you would be the one that I could turn to for anything just like I used to. I always thought that you would be the one to stop being stupid when it comes to girls, or to help me make stupidly hard choices about what I’m going to do or anything like that. But sadly, that isn’t you anymore. But I guess that’s life, and I guess thats part of growing up. It’s shit though, going from being able to have our little in jokes to having nothing. I mean I can’t even remember when your birthday is anymore, I wonder if you remember mine? But I just want to thank you really, you helped me through so much. I don’t think I would’ve got through some bits without you there. You were there for all the messy break ups, all the family issues and through me hating myself and I will always be so grateful that you were my best friend through that.

I just want you to know that after everything… well, after you randomly walking out of my life that I could never, ever hate you even if there have been times over the past year where I have wanted to. I know that’s horrible to say but its true, what you put me through just randomly walking away was absolute hell. But you gave me some of the best memories from school. I can still remember when we went to see Imagine Dragons in Cardiff and you got super drunk and the kids sat behind us got really arsey with you. I can still remember all the times that we went and got lunch drunk. It’s horrible that you chose to cut me and the rest of our group off but that was your choice.

I think it just came down to our paths had stopped crossing. I mean, everyone has their own path and I guess ours have just veered off in different directions. Earlier today I looked through some photos from school after talking to one of our old friends and I came across a load of me and you and they made me smile so much. Even if we aren’t friends anymore, I wish nothing but the best for you. God, I feel like Adele writing this. I hope you’ve found someone that you can send weird videos too, someone that you can FaceTime at a random time of night, someone that you can joke about Scrubs with, someone that you can fangirl about Coldplay to. I really hope that you’re happy now and that you’ve finally settled down with someone.

I just want to say again that I will never, ever hate you. In fact, I will always love you.You gave me the best memories and for that you will always have a special place in my heart.   Just know that I will always treasure the memories we have. If I don’t come and say hello the next time I see you it is simply because I am finally at a place where I can deal with our “break up” and I can’t put myself through that again, but if you decide one day that you want to come back or that you want to talk I will be more than happy to give you a hug and talk about how silly this was.

With so much love,

Your Ex-Best Friend

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One Comment

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  1. Everyone has to face a moment or sometimes more when a friendship dies and that is never an easy thing. Especially if the friendship was a very meaningful one. I remember this happening to me countless of times, but it came down to neither of us making the effort in keeping the friendship alive. We were going through different phases in our lives (changing schools, moving etc) I often think about making an effort by searching through Facebook for them, but I think too much time has passed and it just wouldn’t be the same anymore. I think maybe your ex-best friend was going through something challenging, so the only thing that seemed logical in their mind is pushing you away.

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