So it’s been an odd few days for me, I’ve kinda been on a bit of a wobble about the future and where I want to be and all of that stuff, and there’s been quite a few things that have effected it. I’m actually sat by the beach writing this, it helps me think and I like being near water, it’s kinda my personal anti depressant/thinking place.
At the moment I have the opportunity to go and study at one of the best teacher training schools in the UK. I think it’s like 80% of the graduated are classed as outstanding teachers. That would mean I’d have to stay down in Devon where there is no gaurentee of a teaching job once I graduate. I love Devon, it’s such a stunning county and the cities are amazing so filled with so much culture. But I’ve lived in Devon for a lot of my life. Exmouth, which is my hometown, is small. Everyone learns about everyone’s business and there are so many memories and people here that I’d rather forget.
The problem is I do not want to live in Devon for the rest of my life. For the past three years I’ve lived in Wales for university. Wales is by far the best country I have ever been to, and the best I will probably ever go to. The people are so lovely, there is so much culture, so many castles to explore and small little villiages that are so lovely. St Davids is such a lovely city and it’s tiny. Wales is a place that I would happily live, but that would mean leaving home, which is a scary thought if I’m honest. I mean living with my mum can get very trying at times and over the last few days I have thought several times that I’d rather be anywhere else than here. If I moved to Wales my nearest family will be about 100 miles away. There is also the issue of language. In Wales they teach Welsh. Being English, Welsh is a bit of a struggle. If I trained in Wales to be a teacher they would teach me all the welsh I would need.
Aside from geographical location giving me a headache, I’ve had the usual issue of girls. By now, you’ll have probably figured out I am apparently useless when it comes to girls. I met this girl at uni and she is super lovely, so funny and super passionate about what she does which are the three main things I look for in a girl. We tried things out and for her it wasn’t working so she called it off which is fair. I’m questioning one of her reasons mentally, as she said she didn’t have the time to make the effort but if you really want something you’d find the time to make the effort. I’m not a needy guy by a long shot and I made that clear to her but there we go.
I think the thing that’s annoying is that I’m not a dick, yet people who are absolute bellends manage to get relationships. It just frustrates me. I mean, the girl I was seeing at Christmas is genuinely not a nice person yet she’s now in a happy relationship and is expecting a child. She’s getting everything she wants from her life and she deserves none of it. I think the problem is that today when it comes to relationships people think they absolutely have to put their lives on hold or involve the other person in everything. That’s the opposite of what I’d like. I want to be able to do the things I want to do, and if the girl wants to come along or try something they can, if they don’t want to they don’t have to and it’d be the same for them, if they want to do something and I want to try it I will, but if I don’t it’s not a massive deal. Why is it more complicated than that?
I guess these kinds of decisions are part of being a proper adult because they’re all big decisions. I am rubbish with big decisions so I’ll probably balls it up and I’ll let you all know how it goes. But I’ve got a few goals for the rest of this year. The first is get into the PGCE course, the second is save up and start looking to move out, and third is to try and start dating someone actually nice who is supportive and wants to make an effort because that would be very nice.
Love you bye!