Relationships

Well hello there! This blog is gonna be focused on relationships, quite a big topic right? Well I think its important to discuss relationships, because just like with anything there’s good and bad relationships, I’ve had my fair share of bad ones and really only one good one. Some last years, like two of my friends from school, they’ve been together for I think 8 years now. Others, like the majority of mine never leave the so called honeymoon phase.

Lets start off by looking at the good relationships and why they’re so fun. I’m gonna start off by saying that no relationship is defined by sex (sadly a lot of people, guys and girls feel this is the case). Sex is just a by-product of a relationship, its not a big deal. A good relationship as we all know is filled with arguments but is also filled with brilliant moments. An example is everyone’s favourite Disney couple Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez (yes, I know its fictional and Disney but it works as an example). Think about their relationship throughout High School Musical. They have drama at least once a year but some how manage to work it out. Some would say that by the end of every film they were soaring or flying, and that there isn’t a star in heaven they couldn’t reach…

Anyway, the point I’m making is that good relationships have good and bad moments, but its important to remember that the good will only come from the bad. So if you’re in a good relationship, or like someone enough to consider having a relationship with them, there will always be bad points, there will always be arguments and tears, remember that everyone needs their own space to do their own things and you need time away from each other to stay healthy, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to work through the problems to find happiness, just like Troy and Gabriella do.

Moving on to the bad relationships, I’ve had more than my fair share of them.  Just a note for people who aren’t in a relationship. The absolute worst thing you can do to someone is lead them on. Making them think there’s potential and them shooting them down makes you, in my books anyway, not a nice person. I’ve been with people who I thought were nice, and that it was gonna be healthy, but they turned out to be quite toxic. I’ve been hit in relationships, and I’ve also been sexually assaulted (it does happen to guys) and this is the first time I’ve openly admitted that. I’m not gonna discuss that on this post though. What I am going to discuss though, is what I’ve learnt from bad relationships and how I’ve dealt with them. Firstly, bad relationships suck so much, whether they are physically abusive or if they play mind games. I’m gonna relate this to a character from the film About Time, that character is the lovely Kit Kat. She meets a guy at a new years eve party and he clearly is only after one thing, but he’s very clever about how he does it. As the film progresses, he turns toxic and causes Kit Kat to nearly die in a car crash because of how he was towards her. I know, its an extreme example but it does happen in reality.

When I was in the abusive relationship the girl was really manipulative, and she still is as I learnt after she called me a few weeks ago. I felt like I couldn’t do anything without her permission or she would get aggressive. I know I’m potentially stigmatising myself here as being a wimp or weak or whatever but I don’t care. I kept thinking she was going to change and things would progress. But I should never have been in that situation. I should have left a lot sooner. I managed to deal with that because I have an amazing group of friends who are so supportive and we look after each other. I’ve also been locked in someone’s house, which is quite a funny story because I broke out and her neighbour thought I was trying to break into their house when I hopped the fence to get away. Again, I thought that everything was going well. But in hindsight she was again very manipulative and liked playing mind games, and I should have left sooner. With her I completely cut contact and ended things the day after she locked me in her house.

And finally, I was sexually assaulted by a girl. she refused to take no for an answer one day and it was the scariest thing that has ever happened, she got really aggressive and everything she did inflicted so much pain, mentally and physically. That one was harder to cope with, and led to my current anxiety issues I have around some women. I still worry that it could happen again, and it has caused issues in relationships, It’s really caused a problem for me. I think the way I’ve managed to cope is to find some girls that I know so well and trust ad I just spend a lot of time around them, occasionally I get really anxious that something could happen and it causes my stutter to play up. Like a lot of men around the world I’ve not spoken to anyone that could do something about it in fear of not being taken seriously. But I really regret that. I wish i went and spoke to someone because it would have really helped me. The only thing I can really recommend is going and finding help, whether it be through your school, or university. They have access to counsellors who are incredible or by organising it yourself by talking to doctors, they can point you in the right direction.

Love you, Bye!
P.S. Don’t forget to be awesome!

Pease use this link if you feel you need to talk to someone. They have a massive list of therapists all around the UK who will talk to you about absolutely anything that you need help with.
http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists

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